For the first time in months..

...i'm drunk.
I have been struggling with the concept of God and to be honest I'm a little frustrated. I've been telling myself I would make enough money so that i can take some time away and dig out all i can find about God. I grew up in the church, u know the forced Sunday school attendance and even after i cleared high school it was never my choice to go to church, it was mandatory and my evil step mum was always there to ask me weird questions in front of my late dad ati pastor aliongea nini leo (incert a terrible embu accent).

I'm going to make this short and ask the staunch Christians, only those that have been through hell and back to explain to me where i should start. This is a personal journey that i intend to take alone until i find the answers my soul is searching for.

I say this because as kid i suffered countless injustices (story for another day if i ever indulge in this cheap whiskey) because of my parents' devotion to the church (Redeemed gospel church to be precise) and because of that i missed moments in my life i will never get back.

Before i conclude i should mention that over the past few years i acquainted myself with eastern ways of life devoid of religion, meditation has been very helpful, i remember @kaswii from klist - bless her beautiful soul - inboxed me some tips on that. I nailed literally every job interview and sometimes appointements with realtors whenever i was searching for an apartment. Those who've lived majuu know how your skin color can work against you finding a house especially when 10 pple show up for the viewing and you're the only dark skinned fellow.

So back to my request. If you've ever reached a point where you doubted the existence of God and found a reason to believe again a brother needs you.