Killing boredom: how the kale lawyer should have proposed to Malia Obama

You dont just offer 50cows, 70sheep, 30goats or even 100 giraffes and 50 orang otang's just like that for Adhiambo, let alone Malia's or Sasa's hand in marriage ichieni?? You must accompany it with an offiSIAL letter, where the "SIAL" is in bold and italics, swambamba?

When requesting for Malia's hand in marriage, you take your macbook pro and type the following in PDF. Remember Malia's name starts with "Mali", so your words must be wealthy shashawa?

Dear Malis(flowerate/beautify/pour honey on her name buana-you are not an ID card)

Atoti, hawayu? I am fine like a samsung galaxy 7 edge which is vibrating on a leather seat somewhere in Muthaiga. How is my semeji Sasis, my mother in law mitchellis and father in law Baracksis? Am sorry am calling them my in-laws already before we make confirmation at the alter sometime in the future. Its just that today my intellectual settings are such that vocabulary is pouring from my cranial in future tense.

Abebo, my main aim for exposing my cardiac and mental nudity in this letter is so that i acquaint you adequately with my emotions. Ever since i laid my optical nerves on your aesthetic signals, i only hear wedding bells. Baby, your neck supports your perfectly shaped head like my iPhone supports MP5 file formats. Baby, your long legs complement the network signals in my iPad. Baby your smooth hair reminds me of the several imported wine in my house bar.

Aswito be my fanta orange and i will travel all the way to Machakos to buy you. Be my ipsos synovate and i will conduct a poll that will increase your ratings. Yaye your presence reduces the connection fees of Kenya Power and i feel electricity flowing through my body.

Adarlo, i will offer you 50 bos taurus, 30 Capra aegagrus hircus, 70 ovis aries and some millions each to your family members as pocket money, where the millions is silent.

If you marry me, i will love you until you say too much of anything is dangerous.

Infact to prove my love for you, am heading to the airport right now to pay for my father-in-laws return air ticket as he visits your future home, Kenya, in July.

Dont disturb your manicure to type a response sweetada, just please call me i will send you airtime so you can flash me so that i can call you.

Yours TDH:Tall in the head, Dark in the bedroom and Handsome in the wallet,